“Everyone at work drinks. I don’t.”

Hey Jude,

I’m Samuel. I’m 24 and recently landed what I thought was my dream job at one of London’s top estate agents. Big role. Big name. I’ve worked my way up over six years, straight from school and I know I’ve definitely earnt my place.

I’ve always had this company in my top five wish list. But now I’m in, I’m starting to question it.

Being the youngest in the team? No issue. I like competing with the elders. Being the only mixed-race person in the team? Again, hasn’t been a problem. Not openly, anyway.

What’s got me stuck is the culture. Everyone at work drinks. A lot. Same pub. Three nights a week. That’s their thing. It’s not mine.

I don’t drink. Not for religious reasons. I just don’t enjoy it. I went once, tried to get involved but it just wasn’t me. The chat. The vibe. Felt weird and abit boring tbh.

Truth is, I’d rather be with my church friends, playing padel or grabbing good food. I’m British but never seen drinking as part of my culture. Since opting out of pub nights, I’ve felt the shift. I’m not in on the jokes and not really invited anymore.  There’s a quiet gap between me and the rest of the team.

Everyone’s polite. No one’s rude. But I feel out of place. Alone, even. And it’s starting to affect my work.

So do I just start drinking to fit in?

How do I rebuild connection without selling out who I am?

(And please don’t say “speak to your manager”. They’re the ones leading the pub charge.)

Cheers

A Very Sober Samuel

“Nearly half of young adults in the UK now say they don’t drin”

— Survey reported by The Times

Hey Samuel

Thanks for your honesty. You’ve raised a very real dilemma. One that many professionals face but rarely talk about.

“A lot of business gets done in the pub.” I used to hear that a lot when I started my career. For years, it’s been an unspoken truth in British office culture. Pubs are where bonds are built, gossip flows, and hierarchies blur.

But things are shifting. Nearly half of young adults in the UK now say they don’t drink. You’re not the odd one out. You’re part of a growing group who are simply choosing differently.

1. 1 in 4 adults between 18–34 are completely soberSource: The Times, 2024. 2. 74% of UK adults are actively moderating their drinkingSource: The Sun / KAM Media & Lucky Saint survey, 2024

That doesn’t make what you’re feeling any easier. Feeling excluded is rough. Especially when it starts affecting your confidence and your work. So here are five thoughts:

1. Don’t start drinking to fit in. Seriously. You said it’s not against your religion but it’s against your instincts. That’s enough. You don’t need to fake it to belong. If you do want to show face once in a while, fine grab a pint glass of lime and soda (trust me, it looks the part and lasts). But only if you want to.

2. Set the boundary – gently but clearly. I know you said “don’t tell me to talk to HR or my manager” but try this. You don’t need a formal complaint. Just a conversation. A simple, “Hey, I don’t drink, but I’d love to be included in other ways” can go a long way. It also plants the seed that company culture needs to stretch a bit. Keep a note of the chat.

3. Suggest an alternative. You love padel? Get a group going. Suggest a lunch club. Organise something low-key. You’ll be surprised how many people are over the pub. They just haven’t had another option.

4. Find your person. Even in small teams, there’s usually someone who gets it. Someone who’s also not fully plugged into “the lads” at the pub. Connection makes all the difference. If you can’t find that at work, widen the lens...

5. Plug into community. Isolation at work doesn’t need to define your career. That’s one of the reasons I started The BOP. We’re building a space for Black and mixed heritage professionals to connect, share and learn. You’ll find people who’ve faced the same dilemma and plenty of insight to help you move through it.

You have already done the hard part, Samuel. Getting the job, showing up, and staying true to yourself. The rest will come with time, confidence and community.

Here’s a line that’s stuck with me from a book every Black or mixed heritage professional should have on their shelf:

“You shouldn’t have to change who you are to succeed.”

— Twice as Hard by Dr. Raphael Sofoluke and Opeyemi Sofoluke

There is nothing wrong with pub culture. It works for some. But work cultures should make space for different ways to connect. By holding your ground, you are reminding people that success does not come in one flavour.

Hope this helps.