Everyone’s doing better than me. everyone.
Hey Jude,
I can’t stop comparing myself to other people. Friends, old classmates, even people I don’t actually know. It’s become a habit and not a healthy one.
I’m a 29 year old geography teacher in Leeds, about to move to London for a promotion. It’s a great opportunity and I should be excited. I was, at first. But lately, it feels like the excitement has been replaced by something else.
When I started job hunting, I became more active on LinkedIn. Now I can’t seem to stop scrolling. Everyone I see seems to be doing better than me. People I went to school or university with, and even some of my former students, all look like they’re thriving.
They’re landing fancy jobs in the city.
They’re announcing promotions, “I’m thrilled... I’m honoured...” (you know them ones).
They’re networking with leaders in their fields. Some have even become founders (so many founders), raising six figure sums and building empires.
Meanwhile, I’m stuck comparing and wondering what I’ve done wrong. Deep down I know I’m not failing, but when I see all of this every day, it’s hard to believe it.
How do I stop feeling like I’m behind?
Marcus
Can't stop comparing
Hi Marcus
I had to laugh a little when I read your message. Not because it’s funny but because I know exactly how you feel. When I was at Apple I used to compare myself to my peers. When I left and entered the world of LinkedIn, that comparison became even louder. Theodore Roosevelt wasn’t lying when he said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” You’ve achieved so much, but this habit is stealing the joy from your own success.
You can stop.
It’s not as hard as it seems. I managed to switch it off almost overnight, and the benefits started to flood in. I’m now far more content with what I’ve built, and I want you to feel that too.
Here’s how:
Take time away from social media. A study by the University of Bath found that taking just a one week break from social media led to significant improvements in wellbeing, depression, and anxiety. Another study by the University of Pennsylvania found that limiting social media use to 30 minutes a day reduced feelings of loneliness and comparison.
Source: University of Pennsylvania (2018) - No more FOMO
Focus on your goals. Write them down, even the small ones. My Notes app is full of them. Progress feels real when you can see it.
Surround yourself with positive people. The right circle reminds you of who you are, not who you are not. Seek out people who celebrate your wins, hold you accountable, and bring calm when your inner critic is loud. The company you keep shapes how you see yourself, so choose those who want to see you rise.
Love yourself. It sounds cliché. It is. But it's so true! Self compassion builds confidence faster than any compliment from someone else.
Take it all with a pinch of salt. Most people only share the moments they want others to see. Studies show that around 70% of social media users edit or curate their posts to present an ideal version of their lives. Nobody has it all figured out.
Be your biggest cheerleader. When you feel ready, post about your new job. Let others celebrate you for a change. It's cringe at first but you'll get over that.
Move in silence. Not every success needs an audience. Sometimes growth happens in private, and that’s healthy. Yes, visibility is important but peace is too. Protecting your journey from unnecessary noise can help you stay grounded and intentional.
Support others. Genuine support for others reinforces self belief. When you lift people up, you remind yourself that success is not a competition.
You’ve earned this new chapter in London and that’s something to celebrate. As Viola Davis said, “You cannot live to please everyone else. You have to edify, educate and fulfil your own dreams and destiny.”
You’re doing just that. Keep going.
Jude
Learn more
Books
More Than Enough by Elaine Welteroth – A deeply honest reflection on carving your own path and resisting the urge to measure yourself against others.
The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama – A warm, grounded exploration of how to stay centred and confident when the world makes you doubt yourself.